Most brands spend all their time talking about “We” (We are experts, We have 10 years of experience, We won an award).
We. We. We. (Or I. I. I.)
This sounds great. To them, at least.
But, if you're constantly thinking ,
“I built an audience, so why isn’t anyone buying?”,
“Something must be wrong with me, my list, or my product.” – you might be missing this one piece.
No matter how good your offer is, it won't help if you aren't capturing their attention in the first place.
(Side note: emails are currently the best channel for sales. It generates around $36–$45 for every $1 spent, but only if those emails get read.)
That takes us to the question: How can I get my reader's attention? How can I get my emails opened? And eventually, how can I turn them into customers?
Now what you need to understand is, your customer's brain is usually on mute. It filters out things it considers unimportant. Playing with words is not how we are gonna make this work. We need to be intentional about who we are writing to, and mostly what their problems are and which problem we're solving.
Even though they have the problem you're solving, they might not be aware of it, they might not understand it or they might not have the words for it yet.
So they won’t notice you until they hear their own story being told.
The problem, the pain, “what’s there for me?”, and “why should I care?”.
The Psychology: The Self-Reference Effect
We often remember information better when we connect it to ourselves and our experiences.
Psychologists call this the self-reference effect.
From an evolutionary perspective, paying attention to what matters to us and remembering it is how we stayed safe.
Information doesn't exist in isolation in our minds. We often interpret it through our experiences. One word can mean the world to one person but mean something different to another.
For example: If you hear the word “money,” your brain doesn’t pull up a dictionary definition. It pulls up your own story.
For one person it’s the stress of watching their parents argue over bills.
For another it’s freedom, the first paycheck they spent on exactly what they wanted.
For someone else it’s guilt, that tiny flinch when they buy something nice for themselves.
So, when you describe a customer’s problem, dig deeper into their world, use the words that are meaningful to them, talk about their problems better than they can.
Then:
You get their immediate attention.
They subconsciously credit you with having the solution.
They are gonna remember you better.
Ramit Sethi is the host of Netflix’s “How to Get Rich,” a New York Times bestselling author, and the host of the hit “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” podcast.
His lengthy sales page for Earnable is one of the best examples of using the self-reference effect.
What he does here is describe his target audience way better than they can describe themselves, mirroring their pain points back to them (reading it, you might think, “how does he know this about me?”),
And helps them picture their ideal future.
💡 The 5-Minute Practice
Go to your "About" page, your latest ad, or your bio.
Count the "I's" and "We's". (e.g., "I help people sleep...")
Flip the script: Start with your customer's internal dialogue. Your customers may have already given you the words you need. Check reviews, replies to your emails, DMs, comments, sales call notes. Copy the exact phrases they use.
If you don’t have customer words to borrow yet, here’s the prompt I use to find them: CONDITIONS DECK PROMPT
The Mirror: Instead of "I have a sleep balm," try: "You’ve flipped your pillow to the 'cool side' for the fourth time, but your brain is still spinning at 3:12 AM, calculating how many hours of sleep you'll get if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW."
The best mirror sentences are specific. A time, a place, a small thing they do.
“You feel stressed about money” is foggy. “You check your bank balance before you buy coffee” is crystal clear.
The Genuine Rule:
What we already know, feel, and remember about ourselves decides what we notice. So before you write about what you do, write about what they’re living.
If you found this useful, share this with a friend who might need it.
Until next time,
With love❤️ ,
Thusharika
1 P.S. Your turn: Reply to this email with your "Mirror Sentence."
I’ll tell you if it’s "Foggy" (too vague) or "Crystal Clear" (hits the nerve).
If you found this useful, pass The Genuine Rule to a friend.
Want to connect elsewhere? Say hi on LinkedIn.
